Why I've Chosen To Abstain From Sex

Shahna Says is a journalist and broadcaster who’s friendly personality is beautifully in tune with her openness and clarity of thought. Sassy met Shahna over a podcast recording discussing relationships and the role sex plays in our lives as women. Early on into the conversation, Shahna explained that she had chosen to abstain from sex until marriage; a decision she made in correlation to her faith and wanting to develop a better relationship with both her God and herself. We asked Shahna to share her story with us to better our understanding of the roles Christianity and abstinence play in her sense of self-worth.


I wanted self-worth through men, I wanted love like in the movies and because of what society says, I thought I would get that by being out there.

"It's a journey, I have been saved for over 2 years now but trust me I have had slip-ups. The first year or so I was praying, going to church as much as I could, talking more openly about my faith however I was still running from God, still entertaining guys who I knew were no good for me, drinking loads and just not being serious. I was too scared to listen to God, to be pro-active or to change. You have all heard the horrors of being Christian; no sex, no going out, just a 'boring' existence. I thought the same thing, 'you mean I can't live recklessly in peace?!" but as you become closer to God you realise that is not the case. You can live abundantly through Him.





I had an identity of myself which I and others had created. The party-goer, the drinker, the man-eater, all these things so to then turn to Christ and be vocal was absolutely terrifying. I was scared of losing friends, losing family, losing things which I thought made me, so I would uphold this image knowing it was not benefitting myself and my journey. But I started make changes; I spoke to other Christians, I read the Bible and spoke to God. Then I had the realisation that I am doing this for Him. Becoming abstinent was a big step especially as I absolutely adored guys - the talking stage, the thrill, the lust - but nothing, and I MEAN nothing good came out of it. I was only hurting myself by opening up for people who didn't even know the 'me' I thought I was. People who lusted over this confident girl who oozed sex appeal. I can look back now and say it opened my eyes to what I didn't want and to who I wanted to be.


I could still be the confident, loud, living life to the fullest woman but with a vision and a purpose and of course SELF WORTH

With my walk with Christ, I found that I now had to redefine my sexuality alongside redefining myself. I could still be the confident, loud, living life to the fullest woman but with a vision and a purpose and of course SELF WORTH. I could still be sexy, maybe not boobs out on the gram but sexy. I could still laugh and talk about sex as I had experienced it, it is a part of my testimony. People forget that God made sex for procreation and he also made it for man and wife. I can still have a glass of wine with my friends and give them advice on men, have a moan about how men are trash and all that. Just because I'm abstaining does not mean I'm a bore or a prude - shocking I know. It just means I'm waiting for the one, I'm waiting for someone God made for me, I'm also giving my all to God.


Whilst coming closer to God he constantly showed me that sex pulled me away from my purpose, away from him and definitely away from myself.

The reason behind my abstinence is I felt, for me, sex was too lustful, I was destroying myself as each partner I had definitely took a piece of me with them. I wanted self-worth through men, I wanted love like in the movies and because of what society says, I thought I would get that by being out there. While coming closer to God he constantly showed me that sex pulled me away from my purpose, away from him and definitely away from myself. Being abstinent comes with temptations, the enemy will always try to get you but once you focus on God you're good. I have let the enemy win once and that was when I became even more serious. Trust me, the feeling of regret and guilt after is not worth it. Like ew, I let this boy come and ruin my journey with God just because he had a beard. No thanks.


You can catch Shahna Says on West Side Radio every morning 7-10am and follow her work on Instagram @shahnasays

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