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Aili Seghetti: Encouraging Agency in Kink and Desire

Meet the founder of The Intimacy Curator, India



Meet Aili Seghetti, the intimacy, dating and relationship coach helping people who are struggling with engaging in deeper connections (emotionally or physically). From individuals, couples and groups, Aili's work extends to helping people who are wanting to enhance their experiences of intimacy; this can include kink and alternative lifestyles such as polyamory and ENM.


Having trained to be a somatic sex coach, Aili started her own business 'The Intimacy Curator' bringing people together from around India, running events and providing coaching services. From friendly non-monogamy events to foot fetish celebrations, sensual exploration to education, The Intimacy Curator is all about busting taboos and creating space to address those sassy curiosities.



In this podcast episode we hear host Bethany Burgoyne ask Aili about the plethora of ways to engage in intimacy, how living in India for almost two decades led Aili to grow as a person. As well as learning more about the ever expanding community for kink exploration and the changes in conversation about gender and sexuality.


 

Fetish & Kink


Aili's introduction to the world of BDSM and kink came from her experiences in the UK, explaining how there were limited options but the gay club scene and parties like Torture Gardens introduced her to a whole new experience of intimacy and sexuality. From there, Aili's journey took her on a route to working with companies as a researcher for more than ten years "I found talking to people about love life, sex and relationships very interesting: I was doing it for brands and I thought why not do it for myself". Aili continued to develop her knowledge training in somatic sexual therapy all while navigating a new life for herself living in India, having moved to the country with her then husband. Over the course of 17 years, Aili has worked her way up to being one of the leading figures in sex and intimacy coaching in Mumbai, and dedicating her time to reaching people further afield in cities such as Delhi, Bangalore and Calcutta.



When discussing the spectrum of attraction, Aili talks about the Ace/Aro identity (asexual: the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity and aromantic: individuals who do not experience romantic attraction toward individuals of any gender). "Its not always a sexual attraction" Aili explains, "it can be a sensual attraction - something to do with the body and so you experience different types of intimacy". Aili credits the kink world for teaching us a lot about the variety of individual experiences "especially fetishes towards any other body parts that can be a form of intimacy" such as foot, nail and hair fetishes.

Its not always a sexual attraction... it can be a sensual attraction - something to do with the body and so you experience different types of intimacy



Authentic Empowerment


When discussing the development of kink within the context of India, Aili observes how there is an ongoing translation of what kink means to Indian people. Working with brands and companies born and developed by fellow sex and BDSM positive folks in India such as Besharam (the renowned sex toy brand) and Subculture (creating leather kinkwear and accessories) is one great way the community is developing in scale and interest.



When discussing the different ways folks find sensually appealing leads Aili to discuss clothing in India; "the kinkiest attire is probably the sari and so when we ask people to come to our events in fetish wear, a sari is also great!". The nature of The Intimacy Curator events is one which is full of education and openness, with engaging games to break the ice and peer led insight and introductions to the topics/themes at hand. Whether its exploring sensuality, trampling, D/s dynamics or swinging, Aili is intentional about making everyone safe (with a very strict vetting call prior to being a member to access events) and making sure there is a 50/50 split between AFAB and AMAB folks.


When we ask people to come to our events in fetish wear, a sari is also great




Doing The Work

When discussing the day to day running of The Intimacy Curator, Aili explains how "I spend most of my day talking about people's fantasies and nailing what turns people on, what doesn't arouse them, or sexual breaks that pause or challenge arousal". This continual work in helping people uncover and explore their own desires is something that is all aiming to provide them with agency around what they want and need. Something that, for so many, can be a huge challenge suffered in silence.



I spend most of my day talking about people's fantasies and nailing what turns them on


When talking candidly about the challenges that Aili faces, there are multiple laws in India (including the lack of legal same-sex marriages and Section 294 of the Indian Penal Code which lays down the punishment for obscene acts or words in public - something which is subjective and can rang from singing lyrics of a song to the nature of a party) which create barriers to the extent of people's experience of sexuality and intimacy. Aili also explains how

"I've learnt along the way that it's very difficult to run events, to be profitable in this field but it is very very rewarding!" This is reflection in the amount of positive feedback Aili receives about The Intimacy Curator events and how important and necessary it has been for those that engage in it.



Having experienced first hand the buzzy and thriving community of kinksters and alternative relationship lifestyles in Mumbai that The Intimacy Curator is bringing together, it's clear how fundamentally important Aili's work is. With new kinky events planned throughout the year, as well as speed dating and munch-style get togethers, we're certain that TIC will continue to connect more people with their deepest desires; all under an umbrella of reassuring, open-minded support.


 

Be sure to visit The Intimacy Curator website or give them a follow on IG @theintimacycurator


Interview by Bethany Burgoyne @bxsassy2


Tracklist:

Kabhi Kabhi Mere - Lata Mangeshkar

East Aur West India Is the Best - Anu Malik

Zindagi Meri Dance Dance - Alisha Chinai, Vijay Benedict

Boom Boom - Nazie Hassan

Beparda - Rekha Bhardwaj

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